Well, let’s just say it up front: I am by nature not a positive thinker. As long as I can remember I’ve had trouble doing that. And as long as I can remember I’ve had people telling me that I should be more positive. Having people saying that to you can be damn annoying and make you even more grumpy, but I accept that they’re just trying to help me. But just saying “you should think more positive” isn’t really helpful at all. It’s not as simple as flipping the switch. Believe me when I say I wish that was the case!
I am now trying to live by this quote: ‘Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think.’
When shit happens that invokes the usual pattern of thinking I try to say to myself ‘Ok, stop here for a moment’. Is it really that bad? Can I see why person X just said this to me? Usually I can figure out a reasonable answer. And also, just shrugging and moving on works as well.
I found some factors that influence the way I can deal with unforeseen events tremendously.
Ironically I wanted to write them down from a negative point of view at first, so that sort of proves I still have a long way to go…Ok, so instead of writing down ‘not enough sleep’, I’ll write down that having slept like 7-8 hours greatly improves the way I can deal with things! Pretty obvious point, but also fucking relevant. Some people can handle nights of 5-6 hours for days on end, I can’t even handle one of those nights. This is just a fact of life I gotta deal with.
Also, speak up when someone reaches your boundary of what you can deal with. If someone makes a joke you don’t like or makes you feel ‘x’ it’s usually fine to just say (in a positive way) ‘hey I didn’t like that joke too much, please be a little easy on me today’. Generally, people understand. And if they don’t, just turn your back for awhile. I always visualise this as a bucket. I start my day off with an empty bucket and sometimes you have days where many things piss you off and the bucket slowly fills. And when it is pouring over you can’t be nice anymore. Of course it would be great if the bucket would stay empty, but not letting it overflow is important. So, I’ll try to speak up when someone really hurts me (usually without their knowing it) and explaining why a certain joke or whatever has that effect on me.
Just being a woman with all the hormones and shit makes it harder. Sorry dear male colleagues, friends etc. You know that t-shirt with printed words ‘from 0 to bitch in 3 seconds’? It’s true. But most women can also go from bitch to kindhearted in 3 seconds. Life is more of a roller coaster for us. Mea culpa.
I’m reading The Art of Happiness right now. Dalai Lama stuff, it’s great! I’m trying to be more friendly and forgiving to the people around me. If you don’t know me and read this you might think I’m a bitch. Hehe, I don’t think that’s the case. But I do have a reputation for being quite direct. Trying to soften that a little 🙂
One thing I’ll never stop hating though. That’s when people say “oh you look angry”, when I’m just concentrating on work thinking I look normal. THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE.
